Friday, December 01, 2006

Lessons Learned cut from email to a friend

I was thinking last night I learned a few things,
I can't drink as much anymore b/c I end up crying (ie a bottle of wine)
I shouldn't call my father on the cellphone while in one of these states at 11 pm
They don't make plain red gatorade anymore and for that I'm very very sad
I think I am going to be moving home sooner than I thought.
I hate the holidays.

Okay so that sums it up. We went to a great restaurant that I'm obsessed with for tapas - Las Ramblas. It is so good but both of us were kind of in a shit mood b/c of lots of work and crap. I was in a shit mood b/c I woke up that way. We got in a fight somehow, I walked home and called my dad and had a minor/major cryfest. Long story short my mom isn't doing well, I mean her spirits are high but it's getting near the end time when I go home and it's hard and sucks. I hate the holidays, for a few years before my mom's diagnosis I would still end up somehow crying during Christmas (I blame I'm over sentimental and don't want to grow up or something) so dealing with her is just hard. Some days I feel ok yesterday I woke up and felt like hell so really that was that. I knew my dad would be up so I called him and pretty much lost it. Earlier this week this spiritual advisor that hospice sends called me. I met her for a brief moment when I was leaving to drive back to NH on Monday. She called to advise me to go home soon and pretty much told me my mom was near the end. She then started talking to me as if I hadn't dealt with this reality for um 2 years and pretty much I told her off and also just felt furious and like shit at the same time after. I knew my dad was over her so I called knowing I could shit talk as well. You know how that bonding can be but fuck, with my dad, that cellphone late night calling needs to stop.


Blogger Kizz said...

You really think it's because we don't want to grow up? I cry at Christmas all the time. I thought it was a. because shitty stuff has happened to me at Christmas, b. because most of my beloved Christmas traditions have been stopped and/or c.because it's this inherently sad time because it's all about perfection of which there just isn't any. You know?

7:27 AM  

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